Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Sterkvark the Pirate (Part II)

The fight was desperate, the odds overwhelming. The Great Ape didn't have a chance. Sterkvark may have been lightly armed and armored, but the Giant Gorilla was no match for his strength and stamina. With a few snicker snacks of his wicked blades, the monster fell full on the sand...and on Sterkvark's Jolly Boat, smashing it to kindling.

There was nothing for it but to f
ashion another craft from the materials at hand, and after much effort and with the help of the rising tide, Sterkvark put to sea on his new vessel which he christened "The Fay Wray" after an old flame who used to have a thing for monkeys...

The monster floated, but the warm tropic waters promoted rapid decomposition and it soon occurred to Sterkvark that he might have done better making a normal raft out of wood. After an excruciatingly noisome voyage, he one again sighted land, and beached the much-reduced carcass on a lonesome coast, far from habitation...

...Or so he thought, until he roun
ded the first headland and found himself right in the midst of Stormwind Harbor. This was not the best place to show up in Pirate attire, and the shore patrol promptly seized him as an enemy of the state and hauled him prisoner before the King...

Soon, our fearless cutthroat trembled before the wrath of King Varian Wrynn, reduced to pleading for mercy to avoid the fate he so richly deserved of hanging in chains as a warning to all seadogs and scallywags that Stormwind will hound their kind from every ocean. The dread monarch was unmoved to clemency and ordered his headsman to take Sterkvark to Execution Dock without delay...

...Woah, woah, woah, stop it! Maybe in another universe, but this cannot possibly be the fate of Sterkvark the Pirate! He laughs at the face of death and then jumps down its throat! He tosses back flasks of Volatile Rum like it was Rumsey Rum Light! He would never debase himself so cravenly before any authority, especially some pipsqueak landlubber of a king!

...Particularly as the Horde has recently raided Stormwind, leaving the Shore Patrol at an utter loss as to what to do while they waited for the King to respawn. In the confusion, Sterkvark gave them the slip and cleverly concealed himself in a nearby tree, waiting for the opportunity to make his escape from the city. Opportunity soon came walking by, and Stervark leaped at it.

A few hours later down at Stormwind harbor, the officers of the royal warship "Onyxia's Revenge" received a surprise visit from an Admiral of the fleet who berated them in the harshest terms for not being prepared to immediately put to sea.

"By the powers!" stormed the Admiral, "I'll keelhaul the lot of you and feed you to the murlocs if this sorry excuse for a Frigate isn't under sail by the next turn o' the glass. Me old Mother herself runs a tighter ship than you strand crawling mudskunks! And splice the Main Brace, Mr. Smee, or I'll bash you with the binnacle!"

Unaccustomed to such dressing down from their noble commanders, let alone such a ferocious sea lord as this, the royal navy officers soon had their vessel underway, and marvelled at their new Admiral's co
mmand of nautical terminology.

And thus our hero turned the tables on his adversaries...and on himself as well, as shall be seen....

(To Be Continued)

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